It is a
hard job to crack the heart open. For years my spiritual teachers kept on
bugging me ‘You have to work on the heart, work on Anahata; there is no other
way’. Yeah yeah… Well I did work on the heart, did my asana practice, my
meditation, tried to say ‘I want everything for you, I want nothing from
you’ again and again, but it didn’t really sink in. Because I want to be loved,
held, protected, supported, adored, spoiled. I want it all. How is this going
to work? If I don’t get what I want I turn into a text-book example of
spiritual texts on love revealing all the symptoms of a child whose toy has
been taken away.
Yoga is an
important practice. Some live flooded by emotions, others stuck between narrow
walls of the mind. In between these two one
may be so suffocated by the shadow that a bright state of comprehension, a mind-blowing
piece of art, the intoxicating smell of jasmine, the simple magic of any blissful
moment can pass by unnoticed. There comes yoga to introduce a harmonious flow
to the mess, a thorough cleansing of the zilllions of dust particles in the
mind. Once peace is restored there opens another door, towards the core of
those particles, the pit of the rabbit hole.
So I
knocked at that door and the first stop was compassion. I guess we all know by
now, every person we encounter acts as a mirror. Whenever we are triggered by an action or word
we need to look at ourselves, ask what in us hurts instead of trying to break
the mirror. Only then can the evolution begin. When suffering presents itself there
are some standard ways we react. Either avoiding it by any means, being
repulsed by it or playing the hero. Masters say responding to suffering with
suffering generates pity whereas love leads the way to compassion. And
compassion is the only way to transform suffering which we fear so much, trying
our very best at all times to stay away from. Well said, but what is compassion
really? How do we find it when there is so much envy, fear, anger and
frustration lingering in the hearts of us all, no matter how well we manage to
hide them behind our masks?
Many words,
many ways, many methods and they all find you when it is time. They offer
another option to the judging, labelling, discriminating mind; not an easy job.
There is space for a lot more reflection and contemplation on compassion.
My second
stop was joy. This is a state hidden in the heart, more explosive than
happiness, more refined than pleasure. All is well, but joy is not there in my
life these days and it troubles me. Until recently I did suffocate myself a
little trying to figure out who am I, what am I doing, what will I do with
this ‘I’, trying to see through the
subtle layers of my existence. I felt like chasing my own tail. However, life kept
flowing. Another beautiful thing about yoga is the practice grants one the
ability to still flow and keep the windows open for sunlight even if you are
hopping in and out of dark holes. When you fall or rise, it is just an
impermanent state which doesn’t really define who you are. Life can be
harmoniously progressing in this awareness. Still, joy, or lack of it thereof
is an issue. All those meditations and practices didn’t unlock that section of
the heart. So Maha Shakti, the nature gave me a slap so that I could let the
suffering go. A strong fever burned down all the heaviness in me. The wheel of
joy started spinning in my heart while I was just observing what was happening.
Then the
ride led me to the ‘butterfly’ stop. The heart not feeling any need to ‘settle’
anywhere cozy and safe but rather dances from one flower to another. Spreading
the wings wide open without any fear of being caught. I loved this stop, I want
to pass by here again and again feeling, expressing the lightness and beauty of
this magical creature . Nice to fly out of the box!
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