Purifying the Water

There is a beauty to being a wretched spiritual tourist in India. Key parameters being low budget / wide time-span, you visit an ashram, then hop to a healer, maybe a vedic astrologer and each step you take is also a step away from your comfort zone. This distancing is such a trip that even a slight change in the perception of reality makes you believe that you started to understand. Usually as a baby on the path it is a mere adjustment in your delusion you call ‘reality’, ‘personality’ or ‘knowledge’. Well maybe none of the readers of this blog went through such experiences but it sounds like I am writing about something important when I put it like this.

Fire ceremony at Guruji's temple

Hoping to break yet another pattern I let myself experience India in a new way. First I headed off to my second tantric puja. Last year I benefited a lot from the puja on Muladhara/root chakra; it went deep into some fears I have about being in this life. They are not erased after the puja but I feel more free and courageous following this purification. Also a major block against my creativity seems to be resolved. I am blessed in this life with many gifts which do not seem to find their way out of my system. This lack of creative impulse effeced especially projects that are more close to my heart but not so much in line with ‘what needs to be done’ in the institutions of life; such as academia, work, family…There are many reasons to have such a block going beyond the domain of muladhara but the gross force of just starting up and making it work comes from the roots. Right after the puja I found myself manifesting many little projects which I kept on postponing or didn’t even think of before.

Now we are in phase two; purification of the second chakra, Svadistana. Its job is to generate impulses, feelings, and obsessions. According to the yogis water element rules our consciousness as we are made out of and surrounded by mostly water. So, what does it mean to rule consciousness? There is a simple test one can do to understand the concept. If you manage to observe your mind throughout the day, without any intervention, any effort to direct it to a certain thought process, where does it go to naturally? Do you keep thinking about what you have experienced (or not) with your partner, the cool pants you laid your eyes on but couldn’t decide if you want to buy it, the comfi couch and screen waiting for you back home, plans around Saturday night fever, concerns about ‘what the hell am I going to do in this life’, internal dialogues with someone who pissed you off, holiday plans…What are the hotspots of your mind? Are you getting confused between your flooding emotions pulling you in many direction with the long-searched-for ‘inner voice’? Do you feel depressed when you miss the company of a close friend, a good book, a nice concert? The domain of consciousness under svadistana influence is rich; there is a long list. If you manage to purify this domain though you are granted with harmonious emotions and lightness, creativity and imagination as a bonus.

Ritual by the ocean

My puja experience was pretty abundant with lots emotional turbulences before and after. Initially I was really afraid of what kind of purification reactions I may have but it ended up being a very smooth ride. My skin is tick now after suffering under conditions below the least level of comfort at Guruji’s house. We started the puja cycle with a group of 101 westerners, ended up with 60 during this experience resulting from the survival of the fittest. The first stage of the puja process was over very quickly after lots of sadhana (spiritual practice) and nice talks among our slowly bonding group. One train ride en masse after we found ourselves in Puri. This is one of the most holy seven towns in India, located at the eastern shores. So Guruji decided to release our dark waters into the holi ocean of Puri. We experienced many magical rituals by the oceans; so powerful that I had to hop on my seat several times. However the trip turned out to be fully in line with the pleasure-indulgent svadistana consciousness. Puri happens to be a very touristic town as well and our group quickly discovered a restaurant at a fancy hotel during our unusually vast free time. Finally I understood what Indian food is really about. When you go to a regular Indian restaurant you may really enjoy the food but still have to admit that all dishes taste pretty much the same as they use the same mix of spices called masala. However I had a major revelation about the potential of evolution in life after tasting those tanduri cauliflowers melting into my taste buds leaving a bundle of joy behind after each bite. How can such a meaningless vegetable evolve to such levels of delight?

We were all very surprised by the gentleness of the sadhana when we were back at Guruji’s house. Of course there was some drama still among the hygiene-sensitive ones, as well as strong purifications such as heavy skin rashes, flu and all. That is the usual fun. As I walk on the path it is becoming clearer; spiritual work is quite a sado-maso experience.

Life in the Agama Bubble

Recently caught my ego requesting that ‘I should write something worthy to be read’, so I decided to take a break. I always had this graphomania; this urge to tickle the curiosity to read/write something private that many of us have within, so I developed this trend of ‘notebook’ way back. First I was the sole author of my chosen notebook; either very fancy or a simple one punked-up by some hip posters from trendy youth magazines. Then I ‘allowed’ some ‘chosen’ friends to spend time with the notebook; first they would satisfy their thirst for peeking into the privacy of another, which we partially satisfy with facebook right now. Then they would write in their stories. I had these notebooks since early teenage years and when I recently went through them I found some very remarkable pieces by some masterminds. In those teenage years, boys share their passion for sci-fi and philosophy whereas girls are lost in their emotional world trying to find where the rabbit hole goes. Then there was the most special notebooks; the ones I only shared with my Reflection; reaching the peak of refinement in an intimacy between two souls. A level called Vishudda consciousness in yoga, referring to our center of pure and divine expression hardly reached during the daily course of events.

It is time to share the word again.

There is a flow within the Agama community. A jargon full of yogic terminology specific to Agama teachings used in expressing opinion; interactions at some weekly events or our social hotspot, the restaurant on the campus;  experiences, practices where everyone is searching for some clues on how to find peace and harmony in life (even beyond). Then there are the intense retreats for giving a break to the daily requirements and diving even deeper within.

I was just out of the retreat-mood of my puja and Rishikesh experiences, so I decided to dive in again joining the Kashmiri Shaivism retreat. Kashmiri Shaivism is a monistic teaching from as-the-name-goes Kashmir, having lots of commonalities with Sufism and being the core source of inspiration of Agama’s head teacher. Last year Swami offered a 5-day workshop on the theory of these teachings and now we are moving on with an 8-day retreat. An Agama retreat usually lasts for 8 days and covers lots of meditation, some hatha, few discourses with a special focus and offers a space to stay with the self. Full silence (mauna) throughout the retreat is recommended but for this one I decided to be less strict with myself. In my understanding mauna means no writing, no watching, no connection with the outside world. I naturally felt like staying on my own, riding to my home right after the retreat hours are over. It is pathetic really how short the actual duration of silencing of the mind happens during the retreat. On the contrary the mind can be in total frenzy and chatting with itself constantly. Emotions like fear, anxiety, lust, envy, frustration can pop up out of nowhere. If they insist to lurk around, it is highly likely that more is hiding underneath. I didn’t yet reach that state of self-inquiry. Emotions, thoughts come and go gently. I am just concerned about my joy; it seems to have abandoned me these days. I am waiting for its return.

Swami is giving a series of discourses on spiritual tests, which are basically states and acts preventing us from reaching our goals in life. The main trap of a mind under the root chakra vibe is pointless fear. Fear of expressing your thoughts, finding excuses such as age, lacking skills, luck etc. for not accomplishing something. One can even develop phobias if the roots of our being is not harmonious. Last year when I felt all over the place I developed this fear of something happening to my family when I am away. Whenever I thought about them that meaningless fear sneaked in. I started becoming afraid of taking a flight, fearing accidents; many little anxieties I didn’t experience before popped out of nowhere. Slowly with practice they left me. Swami’s way encourages using the will and power of the mind to overcome them. It is obvious that it doesn’t make sense to be afraid, so stop the bullshit. Well, if you are a war photographer and you walk determined into a bombarding without any fear that may indicate a pathology. So there is a limit called common sense. Other typical root chakra-muladhara traps are laziness, inertia and greed. Lack of ability to initiate anything that may create change or keeping oneself busy searching for a false security of life while continuously postponing your heart’s true desire.

The factory of emotions, imagination and impulses; svadistana tests one with confusion. There is the overall lack of clarity of what one needs to be doing in a larger sense. But also the mini moments of confusion about the rightful action. Instead of sitting to meditate after waking up (for others that action may be writing a thesis, report, finishing a composition etc) suddenly being carried away by the urge of cleaning the house, then allowing a long phone talk and all of a sudden many other mini and ‘vital’ actions get on the way and you end up finding yourself getting ready for going to bed without having a single moment of peace and silence for your mind. Svadistana’s best friend is therefore a smart-phone! A typical state accompanying this confusion is to be overwhelmed with hand-made dramas and allowing them to become patterns in life. Other than that there is the overindulgence in comfort, pleasure. Just a memory from long time ago; we were all preparing for the university entrance exam. My friend would take a bowl full of pistachios before starting her study session. She starts with solving the problems while eating the pistachios until she got one which was difficult to peal. And all of a sudden the studying of the test turns into an even more concentrated study and enjoyment of pistachio. Over the years the space of pleasure in one’s life expands and a bowl of nuts is replaced by long party nights, countless hours of bad TV or computer games, shopping; whichever choice of drug. Dissatisfaction of any of these indulgences may lead one to the destructive void of depression as another hotspot of this chakra. And on top of all, the crown of svadistana; the lust! Overindulgence in lust, having the fulfillment of lust as the underlying motive for most of your actions without being even aware of it; being owned by that constant effort of seducing everyone around you through different ways to get what you want. That is the hell of svadistana.

During his latest discourse Swami covered tests of manipura; the navel chakra which is slightly more refined than the other two underneath. When manipura is running well hail to the noble samurai states with courage, willpower, strength, leadership and all. Me like! I was obsessed with all these Japanese martial art movies; especially the parts where the master trains his disciple in most painful ways. I dig the mosquito fascination of Miyagi San in Karate Kid as much as the super-spin in the air of Beatrice Kiddo’s master – whatever his name was- landing on her sword. However when the shit hits the fan at the level of manipura it is not so much fun. There is this insatiable ego and tendency to aggression to deal with. The mind is subconsciously looking for a confrontation using an unnecessary sharpness in speech. The big test of manipura is the fear of transformation. Ironically the fire of manipura is the very source of transformation. When this fire is lit and life as one knows it starts changing then the ego suddenly is challenged because of the lost control. These days that is my challenge exactly. As I am struggling with such challenge around the manipura puja of Gurudji while listening to Swami’s discourse I find myself in most of the examples he gives.

So the everlasting question of the spiritual seeker, is it a synchronicity or apophenia?

Ayurveda in Rishikesh

I just met a very kind and interesting Ayurveda doctor. I was already thinking that I couldn’t miss out on an ayurvedic consultation being the perfect spiritual tourist in Rishikesh. Our paths just crossed naturally and I went for it. According to Ayurveda; the healing sister of Yoga, our bodies are just perfect creations and there is no reason for any disease. However our life styles, thought patterns, past traumas cause some deviations in this perfect machine. Our body and soul is composed of the five elements creating the nature; earth, water, fire, air and ether. Ayurveda defines three main constitutions which are basically these elements combined acting upon us. Vatha constitution derives from air and ether, pitta from fire and kapha from earth and water. If all these elements are in balance we are doing great; whenever one or the other gets out of balance diseases and disharmony manifest. Actually we are all born with an imbalance, call it genetics or karma. Then along the life we develop another imbalance due to external conditions, our life styles and experiences. If a person is kapha dominated they enjoy a solid, strong body, calmness of the mind bordering laziness but suffer from annoying amounts of mucus production. Pitta constitution is typically fiery full of life, focus and willpower bordering aggression; whereas vatha are the airy fairies with lots of movement in the body and the mind.

When I was first introduced to these doshas I was certain with all that mucus production during a cold disproportional to my tiny nose I am of kapha constitution. However this doctor clarified the picture; I am born pitta suffering from kapha detoxification throughout the course of my life. That’s what I needed to purify to reach some balance in my system. When I think back of my childhood it actually made sense. I was different back then; very focused and even more fiery. I clearly remember questioning why grown-ups would walk instead of running; it was so much more fun and reasonable to run! However now I can stay in bed the whole day watching n-number of episodes of bad tv-series.

This medical science of ages value spirituality, metaphysics, emotions and thoughts big time. I cannot really take all comments about me from various experts/healers as facts but they still give me a fresh perspective; a new understanding of my life. I can generate more options about why I chose certain courses of actions, what is really happening in the bigger picture. This Ayurveda doctor provided me with some good insights. He suggested that I lived my life like an eagle in a chicken cage from 6 till 17 years old causing these kapha problems. It would probably make great sense as all my friends knowing that I basically escaped to a university in another city to get out of my cage. May that be my choice to be born into a situation like that as the followers of these though systems believe, I have no idea yet why I made that choice. Dr Ram suggested a special treatment called shirodhara during our next meeting. The treatment aims to balance the two main energy channels along the spine; ida and pingala representing the feminine and masculine aspects of our being. Practically I enjoyed lying on a heated bed after overexposure to the mean cold of Rishikesh for an hour listening to some recordings while the healer was pouring some oil on my forehead. The process took me into such a trance leading me all the way back to my birth when I was bombarded by every single sound in the room. These foreign sounds unlike the ones I was used in the womb of my mother were so frightening causing an immediate contraction in me. Spooky process indeed being born in to this world!

Following the session I got my zillion of ayurvedic pills from the doctor before heading home. Dr. Ram wanted to accompany me saying that he goes to visit his ‘lover’ every night. Apparently he is in love with Ganga! Feeling very comfortable with each other as if we were friends for a long time we walked together down the river. I couldn’t attend to his kind dinner invitation with his family some day that week as I was about to travel away from Rishikesh.

And concluding my first Rishikesh adventure; I finally celebrated the new year of 2013 exactly as I always wanted. Every year I have the same dilemma. Acting cool, self-suggesting that intelligent people don’t give a crap about new year, while questioning this attitude while millions of people obviously are in a celebration mood; wanting to do something special but ending up with nothing special at all! This year I was blessed with a soft transition to a fresh breath with Prem Baba, singing and meditating along with hundreds of people in the sangha (spiritual community). Yessss! Conclusion: New Year celebration matters!