Once getting used to greeting the baba’s
situated in various spots around the Ganga with a ‘Hariom’ I decided I am
finally settled. Now I have a cozy room with a heater, candles and all, Baba’s
I greet, some friends with whom I exchange a few words and some little
routines. So I may as well stay here for months. However I could only extend my
stay for one more week and even that was difficult. I stressed about the
tickets I burn, doubts about my intentions for wishing to stay longer while the
whole trip is pre-organized. Do I want to stay with Prem Baba longer, do I want
to enjoy this feeling of being settled, am I lured by the muscular
arms of a beautiful man or do I just want to enjoy having the possibility and
freedom to make this change in plans? Eventually one more week of Rishikesh.
(Don’t get too hung up on the muscular arms, the story is not getting erotic;
just looking, not touching…)
My affection to Prem Baba continues. The
strong effects of the first encounter mellowed down; at some moments I spaced
out during his satsang but I don’t bother much about all these shifts.
According to him the story is pretty simple and straight forward; ‘connect your
heart to my heart’ and I formally connected my heart to his. For the ones who
are not familiar with this type of spiritual initiation; it is a ritual where
you surrender to a Guru. In Ottoman culture, parents used to give their kids to
a master, an artisan to be trained using the expression ‘his flesh is yours and
his bones are mine’. In a way you do the same yourself towards your master by
taking a deeksha. I didn’t necessarily
have a divine feeling of surrender in me; I just wanted to connect to the
amazing heart opening I have experienced through this bond I create with the
master. At the final stage of this little ritual the master was about to put a
string to my left wrist, which he had blessed. I already had many white strings
put by Swami during the monthly final ceremonies we have at the school
concluding a cycle of teaching. Before putting the string on, Swami usually
checks in with you asking ‘this is for protecting you from obstacles on your
path, do you want it?’ Prem Baba, without a moment of hesitation just cut all
the strings, put his red string on instead and handed me the old ones to give
to Ganga. I loved the clarity in his action. This whole string story is quite
interesting; when I first started with Agama years ago I received the white
string from Swami after the completion of my level 1 intensive training, which
stayed on my wrist for three years. I’d go to posh parties and dinners totally
dressed up with a worn out, dirty string on my left wrist. When I was about to
head back to the island to receive the teacher training; just one week before
my arrival the string got lose by itself. And now again one week before going
back to the island I separated from it.
The monkey situation in Rishikesh is pretty
intense. They lurk around the bridge connecting both sides of the Ganga and
whenever they see any piece of food in a by-passers’ hand or bag they jump on
it. A few days ago I saw one by the fountain at the end of the bridge. He
approached the fountain, turned the tap on, drank and then turned it back off!
I get it, monkeys are smart animals and all but turning the tap off?! My human
fellows hardly do it in public bathrooms.
Of course days do not pass by in a rose
garden; I have been through many internal turbulences. I even started to write
down ‘reporting from the darkness the sequel’ but I realized that throughout
the whole piece I was making fun of my situation rather than expressing my
suffering so I decided that my suffering bits were out of order at that moment
and turned off my computer.
Let me tell you a bit more about Prem Baba’s
satsang that he gave on the occasion of the 21st of December; the
supposed end of the world as we know it according to Mayan calendar. In short
he explained that we are moving from the sexual revolution to the phase of
spiritual revolution. The sexual revolution starting in the 60’s improved the
space of women, this high energy became a bit more free but didn’t yet reach
its ultimate target; the heart. So actually that revolution still continues. At
that time the spiritual seekers were excited by the sexual revolution and the
seekers of the now are thrilled with the current one which will result in ‘law
of minimum effort’. According to this law humanity will be able to have better
access to using their gifts and talents; progress faster and with more ease. Use
of gifts and talents is the dilemma of my life. My job as a trained race horse
was to focus on what needs to be done. The gifts and talents that I am born
with was more of a secondary issue for a breed like me who has a certain level
of intelligence. I call this state ignorance of a bright mind. Therefore throughout
my college years I strayed from my career and success-oriented path for impulses
towards dancing, climbing mountains or travelling to unknown lands. This episode
was followed by a stressful effort to compromise between what is in the heart
and what is in the mind. Only when reaching the thirties a middle path starts
showing its traces. On this occasion I decided to visit a famous astrologer here
to find out more about what lies on my path. As you can read I am a very
active, dynamic, enthusiastic spiritual tourist; I put my nose into everything
offered. Out of blue this astrologer started telling me that I should dance;
that I used to be a mystical dancer in Egypt in my past life and that my
painful compromise will reach an end from mid 2013 on. Once I got these good
news I immediately rushed to get the yellow sapphire ring he recommended me to
wear. Why to resist such a sweet temptation; I am spiritual and have a beautiful
ring now to go with it!
Prem Baba dives into many issues; stresses how the internal changes are getting faster and faster in this phase. This
intensity also brings along some suffering and the only way to progress is
surrendering to this change. He talks about relationships, the fight between
the idealist mind and the heart, the inner negotiations we have with ourselves
and our insistence to relive certain dramas in our lives again and again. Some
of his words find their echo in my mind and I note them down, whereas others
lead me to day dreaming.
Today I met my puja friends by the Ganga. Lorraine said that her mother stopped going to the church
when she was a child once she found out that the donations collected were spent
on buying a new org. She didn’t consider that as a valid way of spending the
donations. Now after all those decades she started to go to church again,
because only there she could meet people who are kind to each other. We are
banging our heads against each other all the time in offices, streets, restaurants,
bars… If there is a revolution happening with the 21st of December
impetus then one of its symptoms may be this collective obnoxiousness I am
afraid. I hope that we are indeed at a breaking point and I wish lots of light,
love, harmony and kindness for us all in 2013.
