Charlotte
pays a visit to a revered artist whose work she would like to display at her gallery.
Welcoming her warmly to his secluded studio, the artist gently removes the
cover revealing his latest work. ‘The canvases you are about to see … are the
apotheosis of every great idea I ever had. It is the closest I ever come to the
pure universal god force. The yoni!’ [1]
Some years ago 49 women
came together on the beautiful island of Koh phangan to go into the depths of
femininity for five full days. We started our journey with the eye-opening
perspective Agama provides based on chakras and the level of consciousness of
each chakra producing our understanding and experience of femininity.
Afterwards Maha went deeper explaining how emotions work, starting from natural
instincts of self-preservation turning into moods defining our patterns of
behavior. Emotions are very precious, they are the flavor of life, and they
shouldn’t be repressed; rather expressed. The trick of the game is about the
choice of what to do with that emotion; key word being ‘choice’. Do I have the
will and freedom to choose where my emotions lead me to? Can I face my emotion,
observe it and decide what to do with it? Instead of looking for justifications
for jealousy, anger, victimhood, can I choose how I react to these emotions in
my life? The mind that generates emotions also hosts the power of
discrimination; the will to choose the beneficial, the harmonious. It is a
matter of cohabitation made possible by awareness. I can make a choice only if
I am aware of what is going on without identifying myself with the mixed
messages of strong emotions. That was another eye-opening perspective. I
remember a very tough moment in my life. Many years ago I was in a very
difficult situation of being attacked personally and as a team with my fellows
by a group of young political animals in front of around thousand students from
all over Europe. The events building up to that tension for months combined
with the intensity these political games played during our general assembly
simply broke me; I lost sight of what is going on inside and out. I remember
crying non-stop. My lovely shiva at that time avoided any pampering during the
whole day while all that craziness was happening and in the evening he just told me ‘intelligent people can control their
emotions’. Of course I was very pissed off about this remark, how dare he
insult my intelligence?! Well, it takes some emotional maturity to understand
the value of this guidance.
Besides all these little
light bulbs switching on in my head, these five days caused a shift in my whole
understanding of femininity. In fact, I realized I was trying to live my entire
life as a man under the mask of ‘strong woman’. I confronted my de-masculating
acts towards men around me and how these acts harmed my own femininity. Maha
used an unforgettable analogy for feminine power; a samurai sword in a velvet
cover. I took this analogy into my arms and put it under my pillow that night.
During these days we
were asked which part of our body we like the most. Among all the generic
answers like eyes, legs, boobs one of the women came out with ‘my yoni’. What? How
can a woman consider her ‘yoni’ as the most beautiful part of her body? I’d
understand loving your yoni, feeling the power of your yoni but seeing it as
your most beautiful bit?! The next day we were asked to wear an outfit making
us feel feminine. That same woman came with her yoni totally out in display.
After the initial shock, suggesting myself to be open and all, I looked at her
yoni. Well yes, she is kind of beautiful. Another shift in my mind; it is not
only about hers, yoni is beautiful. Then a secondary shock wave; I also got one
of those! So I went home and looked at myself (down there obviously), but not in
a new-agey ‘we need to love and accept our body’ kind of way. I looked at her
for a long time intently. I started to say nice words to her, first following
the instructions of our teachers, then improvising with my own words. Yes, it
is possible to actually make peace with her; she really is a lotus flower; to
be loved and cherished. I announced my peace accord with my yoni at the end of
the workshop and thanked the woman who inspired me to do so.
And from that moment on
everything changed.
There are two important
symbols in Tantric yoga; yoni and lingam. If we go beyond the reductionist
Freudian symbolism it is easy to observe the polarity of the feminine and
masculine symbols manifested in all phenomena. The relationship of yoni and
lingam appears between mountain and valley, fire and water, electricity and
magnetism, sun and the moon. Yoni literally means the source; and her higher
meaning is the source of creation; just like a woman’s yoni being her source of
creative energy. Feeling this power is indeed the closest one may ever come to the pure
universal god force. Having said that, mere words don’t
suffice to address this topic. One needs to experience her power and Anish
Kapoor made me relive all these experiences through another channel of
creation; through arts. Visiting his exhibition, getting goosebumbs by looking
at his amazing work is a genuine, powerful yoni puja[2].
It is not my place to comment on such a high level of art but I can just
recommend if you ever get the chance to see his work, just fix your gaze upon
one of his yoni statues for some minutes and see what happens.
[1]
Actually he uses another word, but I
prefer to use the Sanskrit word for vagina; yoni. And please try to ignore your
scepticsm towards Sex and the City; these series may have used and abused sex,
alcoholism, fashion, relationships and many other things but they did put lots
of critical issues concerning femininity on the table.
[2]
Puja: ritual
