Path of Shakti

We kept on asking Guruji; what will happen after these purification processes. Assuming that we finish this cycle of pujas with the purification of manipura chakra, which rules over our ego, will we manage to go beyond anger and aggression? As such negative emotions are caused by the impurities of this chakra of the fire elements according to the yogis, will the seas of our soul be blue, calm, shanti? And Guruji gave the ultimate answer. Shakti is made to be imbalanced! So this body and soul are made to make mistakes, mess up, stand up and fall down again.

Some may wanna pack up and leave but this answer makes me feel blissful. An old friend from high school, a very dear one asked me (well, texted me) how I am. I said ‘like shit’. He gave me the nowadays-standard response; ‘shouldn’t you yoga people be non-stop happy and flying in the air; wasn’t that the point?’ No, we just face our shit; head-on. It is tough, it is annoying, challenging and all that with the hope that one day the lotus will pop up out of the mud. This is the work with the Shakti; trying to be fully present with all states of being within and around; aware, attentive but still in the flow and using this power, this intensity as a stepping stone to go beyond.

Live Yantra made of soil and seeds representing Shakti

The basic difference between Shaktaic and Shivaic spiritual practice in yoga tradition lies here. Shiva represents the supreme consciousness, verticality, transcendence beyond the manifested world; whereas Shakti, the Mother represents power, horizontality, creation and manifestation. A purely shivaic spiritual practice would focus on the transcendence of the mind to the superior levels of consciousness through techniques like meditation while refraining from worldly cravings and attachments. Shakti on the other hand offers all these gifts to sadhaks to fully enjoy from a place of presence and awareness, so that the power of Shakti can bring one to liberation, self-realization, union, enlightenment; whichever way you want to call it. That is the difference between the two types of practices in a nutshell.

Working with Shakti involves a new connection with the elements of creation; earth, water, fire and air; an opening to some secret languages already hidden in nature, imitated by the practitioners through rituals. Contemplation of Shakti needs to be an experiential learning process at times. The practitioners need to reflect upon various aspects of manifestation; time, space, harmony, art, decay, abundance… However intellectual efforts do not suffice; an excitement and emotional contemplation is required and this can best be achieved by practical experience. While thinking about time, feeling the effects of time, taking one step ahead and being time by embodying a goddess symbolizing this concept… As a male practitioner one can attentively look at that goddess embodied by a woman and feel that aspect within oneself. Augusto Boal says that we are all actors on the stage in life, performing many roles as we see fit. For the sake of experiencing Shakti, we take the drama up a nudge; perform a divine role this time.

A moment from Goddess Celebration captured by Third Eye Lenses

Last year we went full on with this experience; created a space of learning about the divine feminine for the whole Agama community on the campus on the occasion of Palaharini Puja of Rama Krishna. This enlightened being transfigured his wife into a goddess during this puja and lead her to samadhi in the process as a perfect exemplification of how deep Shaktaic practice can go, how thin the dividing line is between the truth and the act in lila, divine play of the cosmic couple Shiva and Shakti. For three full days we danced, played, experimented with the elements, senses and perceptions, transfigured countless goddesses representing different aspects of the divine and welcomed Her sweet joy. It is not always pink and pretty though. Mama has tough tests. Just in a few weeks until the Goddess Celebration, there happened a military coup in Thailand, a dengue epidemic on the island, Swami had to move out of his house; plus there was a mild, maybe even subconscious resistance to Her from some Agami’s who keep their distance from this type of practice. Observing the attendance to the rituals, it was mostly junior students/teachers both male and female enjoying the blast whereas many of the more ‘seasoned’ members from the community watched from a distance. Yes, Mama is tough but full of beauty and bliss. Ultimately She is all about being fully in the flow; in tune with Her, as She is alive.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeXdv-uPaw

There is one more practice easing my surrender to Her.

Sandman enters a duel with Choronzon in hell to retrieve his stolen magical helmet. The challenged chooses a Club called hellfire as the venue and a verbal battle between them. Games within the games… Choronzon makes his move:

Choronzon (C ): I am a dire-wolf prey-stalking, lethal prowler

Sandman (S): I am a hunter, horse-mounted, wolf-stabbing. And I feel grass beneath my hooves, the flanks between my legs.

C: I am a horsefly, horse-stinging, hunter-throwing

S: I am a spider, fly-consuming, eight-legged

C: I am a snake, spider devouring, poison-toothed

S: I am an ox, snake-crushing, heavy footed. I feel the snake writhe beneath my hoof, its spine crushed

C: I am an anthrax, butcher bacterium, warm-life destroying

S: I am a world, space-floating, life nurturing

C: I am a Nova, all exploding, planet cremating

S: I am the Universe, all things encompassing, all life embracing

C: I am anti-life, the beast of judgment. I am the dark at the end of everything. The end of universes, gods, worlds…of everything.

Ssss. And what will you be then, dream lord?

And the dream lord ends the game with his last, definitive blow:

‘I am hope’

In the midst of all darkness, when the mind is trapped in its own labyrinths not being able to produce brighter scenarios, Shakti presents unimaginable gifts beyond the limitations of the intellect. It all comes down to having hope. 

Kashmiri Mountains in the Dark

I have this habit of doing some accounting of my life. Checks and balances
in previously undefined intervals. Definitely avoiding birthdays and new
years loaded with emotions. I mostly choose random hiatus moments between
transitions in life to do this exercise. Moving from one city to another,
from one profession to another, from one connection to none or another.
Funny, for many people those phenomena in life: home, profession, social
circle remain pretty much constant. My restless fiery drive keeps me on the
move, even if all other variables remain more or less constant (not that
they ever do)

So I arrive in Srinagar; making another move towards a new puja mind and
heart burdened with my accounting exercise. I ask myself where was I and
where did I get to? Which of the many lives I have visited really suits my
complexion? Where do I want to go? All I heard was a dark silence in my
head. Not a happy one: an audible, almost touchable darkness covering
everything else underneath. The response of the heart was even worse. Total
numbness, as if I don`t love anyone, especially myself; as if there is no
love flowing in my direction. Again a dark, nasty numbness blocking all the
sweetness and joy out there. The mind generates all kind of explanations.
from scientific (PMS, reaction to remedies as a healing crisis, anxiety due
to leaving yet another settled routine...) to spiritual (purification
before the puja, loss of connection with the flow, a temporary darkness
shadowing the soul). And the very mind is annoyed of all these attempts
to explain the so-not-significant-nor -interesting state of my being and
just wants to enjoy the voluptuousness of suffering. Yes; we human beings
tend to enjoy that dark hole, dig our nose deeper and deeper into our own
crap. The cheerful curiosity and enthusiasm of my travel companions excited
for their first puja experience feels like a burden on my shoulders. I
feel invaded by these bubbly states; I take a deep relaxing breath only
after meeting old friends who have travelled this path before, who are happy
to be here but calm, just ready. Yes, joy, lightness, flirtation not
welcome, I get annoyed even witnessing them. Here is a good question; is
this the exact time to dig deeper and search what is the underlying cause
of all these reactions? Am I just escaping a tough process of
self-confrontation? Or is it my intuition telling me to accept this shit on
the surface and surrender to the process of the puja trusting that some
truth will be unravelled just by being in this flow. As for now, I am
following the second option. I watch the amazing green while others are
chitchatting. The contact with the cracks in the mountains, the bluish
transparent colour of the rivers, my rebellious pony annoyed by its sherpa,
the reflection of the trees on the lake is sooo much more fulfilling than
any human connection right now. Although it is the very human contact - or
lack of it thereof-has probably pushed me to this state.

After entering the military-camp like airport of Srinagar and getting lost
in the city we touched base with the puja group. As said before; finding my
little community gave me comfort; a few greetings later I could slip into
my silence waiting for the intro meeting to start. But then I saw Guruji
walking towards me in the crowd. Despite the two strong puja experiences
mostly taking place in his home I never had much of a personal contact with
him. It was part of my surrender to his work; not asking for a particular
attention to my ego. So he reached me smiling while I was sitting in the
circle with my fellows; I gave him a greeting which in my body language
translates as humble and sincere but a bit formal. I thought that he’d
move on to go where he was meaning to head to. Then I realized he indeed
stood up from his seat, crossed the garden just to give me a loving hug.
Yes, they kind of know what we actually need.
















This puja aims to purify Anahata, the heart chakra. I want to have a
clearer understanding of what is going on\wrong in that level of
consciousness. What is preventing `love` from flowing in and out? What is
making me feel heavy, void of joy and enthusiasm, killing my playfulness at
times like this? What is making me afraid of being hurt? All that and many
more questions about the heart. It is one big topic by itself so I come
back to the puja experience.  During each puja we visit a sacred
tantric hotpot and do a specific sadhana (spiritual practice) there.
This puja started with a trip to Kashmiri mountains to attend the
Amarnath Yatra. Amarnath hosts the cave of Lord Shiva. From the cracks
of the cave walls appears a little waterfall. Each year the Mother
carves a lingam out of the frozen waterfall representing the masculine
principle; supreme consciousness. Play of Shakti carries the sadhaks
(spiritual practitioners) to Lord Shiva. It is my habit to avoid
reading about the venue we`ll visit. I prefer to know nothing, have no
expectation and just accept the experience. This time I tried the same
although it was more difficult as we had to be prepared to go through
a rough hike up to the cave, prevent altitude sickness, bring warm
cloths and have all of our documents in order for the official
registration process. Having received multiple emails and warnings
about the conditions I didn’t know what to expect, but now that I have
the comfi pony-ride up and down behind me I cannot help thinking back
of my mountaineering days climbing up much tougher and longer tracks
on foot with 80 lt. backpacks. Still it was great fun to ride on a
little pony watching the breath taking view of the mountains (and
imagining the sarcastic smiles of my mountaineering buddies at the
back of my neck). Such an amazing combination of green and blue.
Mountains not covered but decorated by the trees grouped in forms of
crescents. Numerous waterfalls; transparent wild rivers uniting all
the hills. I can still visualize the beauty when I close my eyes.
The logistics was primitive but very comfortable given the fact that
we were a more than 3 thou km altitude. Numerous tents were set up by
the cave. Their doors facing each other across narrow alleys. At the
entrance of each tent there were little stands displaying malas, spiritual artefacts
and many many tiny little objects I have no
interest in. Further inside the tents the stand owners arranged
blankets and pillows on a platform to rent the space to the visitors.
It was so comfy and cosy to share that space with 9 other fellows;
visiting the Lord and coming back to our own little cave, meditating
together all dressed in white supporting the ones suffering from the
high altitude just by being there. The entire camp is built on this
support. People calling you to their tents offering Prasad, a whole
meal for free for sadhaks, almost feel offended when you don`t accept
their invitation.

I cannot write much about the actual practice there. I visited the
Lord twice and on both occasions he took away a big chunk of the load
in my heart I was carrying.

Now we are back in Srinagar; much sooner than planned, practicing,
visiting a few remaining references of Kashmiri Shaivism teachings,
admiring the amazing nature, buying pashminas for the loved ones back
home and waiting for the second round in the middle of India.